Collaborative writing.

Bonjour everyone,

So in our writing at school we had to write on a collaborative document. Which means it is only a document but all of the student in our class room is writing in it. 

We are learning to add onomatopoeia in our writing, it means a word that describe a sound for example boom, squish, thud and lots of more. 

So the first step that we did was watched a YouTube video and it was about seven year old boys running a eight hundred metres track. And then we add our ideas from what is happening to the video. We wrote a paragraph about using all our ideas that we had by watching the video. And after when we wrote our paragraph we highlight the ideas that we had. 

Here is my writing:

I am a 7 year old boy and I am running an 800meter track race. I was really nervous when I saw my opponents and  heard lots of people cheering for me and my opponents. When I heard a loud cracking sound of the pistol suddenly I sprint as fast as I can like a lightning bolt. And the man in the hi-vest jacket guiding the racer’s to the wright directions. My heart pounding like it was charging me to slow down and I can hear the other racer’s puffing and blowing their breaths behind me. And I can hear the racer’s shoes patering lightly and thudding to the ground as they run. And as I hear the racer’s breath blowing I was getting more nervous as they get near me. As the other racer’s running including me the commentator talks. Suddenly when I saw the finish line I was being happy and making myself proud then I was the first one to get across the line.

I can hear:

• The racer’s feet behind me - racer’s pattering, lightly, thudding, 

• The loud audience cheering- gogogogo…, let’s go, 

• The other racer’s puffing and their breath behind me

• My heart pounding like it was charging me- 

• The commentator talking. 

• The man in the hi-vest jacket guiding the racer’s. 

• Loud cracking gunshot- Boom, crack, 

• I am running a 800meter track race- 

• I sprint fast as a can like a lightning bolt- 

The video link

Please comment on my blog so I can have a feedback about my writing.