Hot spot doc (Week 6)

Kia, ora, bloggers,

Welcome back to my blog. In this blog post I will show you what we have been learning and doing at writing.

We are learning to:
Use six senses to describe, characters, places, feelings.
Build a strong picture in our readers head.
Use strong ideas when writing.

Our challenge was to use the following prompt for the start of our writing. The prompt is: I could hear the thunder, booming in the sky. Suddenly the lights went out and the room went pitch black. And we had to use strong words like: Chilling, Forbidden, Hesitant, Confused, Fascinating.  Also we needed to use our six sense: taste, smell, hear, see, emotions and touch.

Our teacher gave use positive feedback and our next step. We had to read it and fix our writing and add more details and descriptive words. Here is my feedback:
Wow Shadrach! What an amazing piece of writing. 

Positives:

• Strong use of vocabulary (disillusioned, roaring, reflecting). These all make your writing stronger and interesting to read.
• Great use of onomatopoeia and similes
• Senses used throughout your writing

Next steps:

• What other language features can you use to strengthen your writing? Could you include dialogue 
•  Re read and check your writing fluency. Does it flow? Is my writer going to get confused?

Here is my writing:

 “Kabooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom”‘I could hear the thunder, booming in the sky. Suddenly the lights went out and the room went pitch black. I was shivering like a scaredy cat, ,“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” I screamed. My vision could feel that everything around me has disappeared. I have my smartphone but it’s forbidden to use because it could go on fire. 

My sensitive nostrils could smell the heavy thick metal of the flashlight, near me. I was grasping on the flashlight but it slept on my hand. “shickkkkkkk” It shattered and cracked everywhere on the wooden floor. I was hesitant, it felt like I was disillusioned with heaviness. “Bang” a fascinating lightning sound came on the right side of my ear. It flashed with incredible colours that looks like it was on fire. The lightning sounded like a tiger roaring for its wife. 

Suddenly a bright yellow colour shining out of the double glazed window, was reflecting on the cheap wooden floor. I stared at it but I was unfocus so I peak at the window and there was a happy sunshine right in front of my face. I was enjoying staring at the sunshine and chilling on my expensive comfy bed. 

Words that you must include:

• Chilling
• Forbidden
• Hesitant
• Unfocused 
• Fascinating 

Please leave a comment if you enjoy my blog post, make sure if you are commenting it has to be a positive, thoughtful and helpful. 

Have you guys ever used the six sense in your writing? 

Have a nice day!(: